Short Story: Take a Trip To The Temple Of The Great Tomato

Jimmy Jenkins Jr. is not an adventurer, traveler, or pioneer. Far from it, Jimmy has had the same job, in the same office for 15 years. He's got about 2 years of holiday time built up because he never, and I mean never, goes anywhere, not even to the Coast for a day in the sun. He works very hard, is an amicable fellow, but is single, 39 years old, and boring. Boring is this guy's middle name. I don't think he has any hobbies and he never has anything interesting to say, just small talk, and the obligatory work speeches. I wanted to crack this man's shell of monotony and blandness, but how?

You see I'm the complete opposite to Jimmy, his antithesis, and yin to his yang, black to his white. I live for excitement. I live to travel. Beaches, festivals, treks, foreign food, culture, nature, historic sites, and shopping in unfamiliar lands are what make my blood run, my spirit fly, and my heart beat faster than the speed of light. I just had to wake up this man from his static, stagnant existence. I mean there could be nothing unknown about this guy; everything was right in your face, out in the open.

Well, before I began my "Crack Jimmy's shell challenge", I had more important things to do, like get the hell out of there. The famous La Tomatino Festival in Spain was about to happen and I had rigorously organized my trip on the Internet. It's truly amazing the amount of information and help you can get from all the traveling web sites. I like to be organized and prepared for all eventualities that might happen. My air tickets and hotel were booked in advance, and I got all the 'juice' on visas, currency, and transportation (train from Valencia to Bunol-$3.00!) from the Net. I've printed off maps of the city and town, got lists of all the famous attractions, nightspots, and the best restaurants for that authentic paella experience.

So anyway, the weekly festivals were in full motion and I was having the time of my life. A feeling of impending excitement was pervading the air as everyone was getting ready for the culmination of the festival- the biggest food fight in the world. 125 tonnes of tomatoes to be turned into human ketchup in just two hours! No one knows exactly why the tradition began back in the 1950's, but it has become a bit of a religious occasion for those who worship the Temple of the Great Tomato, nah, it's actually Christian. Doesn't matter much to me, I just wanted to be part of the chaos-I even wore a white suit. People say this is a metaphorical attempt at suicide, but I'm always up for a challenge!

Here we go! The battle began. The air turned red, people going berserk at the height of excitement. It seems the white suit wasn't the best idea. I got hammered. Total pulverization. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me as the tomato integrated itself into my soul. I lay on the ground, people running all around me yelling and screaming in Spanish. I looked up through the ketchup dripping thickly off of my eyelids. That's when my mind was totally blown away into oblivion, never to be the same again. Standing in front of me smiling, throwing handfuls of squished tomatoes was none other than Jimmy Jenkins Jr. He bent over, looked me straight in the eye and said,

"Richard Woodward, fancy meeting you here."

I stuttered in astonishment, but no comprehensible words came out. Either the shock or the tomatoes in my mouth were creating the problem. Jimmy spoke again, his smile as wide as a tomato-mad maniac,

" Let me let you in on a bit of secret Richard. I know you won't give me away. You see buddy, I've got an identical brother. We make it look like we're always working for the company, always on time, always there. But in reality we're sharing one man's life and when the other man is at work, the other is traveling the world having huge vacations and partying like mad. It really is hard when it's my turn to go to the office and act so incredibly boring and predictable. Pretty cool eh?"

He then lifted a giant (what looked like a genetically altered) tomato and screaming a tribal yell, smashed it into my face. He then laughed and ran into the tomato-red sunset leaving me 'bloody' and bewildered.

About The Author

Jesse S. Somer

M6.Net

http://www.m6.net

Jesse S. Somer is a space-traveling human hoping to show his fellow Earth-dwellers the hidden opportunities found in the Internet.

In The News:


'Bolt' and humor go missing in new Disney film
Deseret News, UT - 7 hours ago
But what it could really use is more humor. The digital comedy-adventure starts out pretty slow and never really finds its footing, especially in regards to ...
Video: John Travolta Gets Animated CBS
Canine TV Action Star Discovers That Life Is the Best Reality Show New York Times
FIRST LOOK: ‘BOLT’ Can Pixar magic make runaway hit? Atlanta Journal Constitution
Los Angeles Times - Minneapolis Star Tribuneall 413 news articles

Humor: Pirates!
Tucson Citizen, AZ - 6 hours ago
Somali pirates hijacked a Saudi Arabian supertanker carrying 3 million barrels of oil off the east coast of Africa. There's no reason to attack. ...

Humor gets intimate with the 14th Grade Players
The George Washington University The GW Hatchet, DC - 16 hours ago
Similar to the 1997 film, which depicts a presidential administration that constructs a fake war with Albania to cover up a sex scandal, the humor in ...

CNN's ushers in new political era
Stamford Times, CT - 20 minutes ago
But, yeah, I would have found some humor in it. Q. Where will you find humor in an Obama presidency? Isn't pessimism funnier than optimism? ...
Food bank seeks donations Wilton Villager
Lawmakers, Rell agree on most of deficit plan Waterbury Republican American
Travolta wags the dog Wilton Villager
all 34 news articles

Reuters

Commentary: Racial humor may never be the same -- we hope
CNN - Nov 18, 2008
Obama's election represents a challenge to comedians who deal in racial humor. With a confident, eloquent black man in the White House, ...
White community adapts to Obama reality Reuters
all 47 news articles

FTS Humor: I’ve Got 3 Letters for you: JOBS
Face The State - Colorado, CO - 11 hours ago
By Andrew Ripemoff Specifically, we’re going to talk about Governor Bill Ritter’s position on jobs. (He’s in favor of them.) We know this because he said as ...

Third-graders get a grip on presidential humor
OCRegister, CA - 6 hours ago
... history captured in 45 minutes crossed the Golden Hill Elementary School stage Wednesday in the third-grade production, "Humor in the White House. ...

"Ghost Town" enchants with dry humor and old fashioned elements
SLCC Globe Link (subscription), UT - 4 hours ago
Despite meager numbers at the box office, "Ghost Town" is a light and airy comedy with an old-fashioned flair. Its main character, Bertram Pincus (Ricky ...

BBC News

Archival footage: Barack Obama has a sense of humor! About Rahm ...
Los Angeles Times, CA - Nov 17, 2008
Rahm Emanuel, the newly-named White House chief of staff for president-elect Barack Obama, is known from Chicago's Loop to Washington's K Street as a ...
Rahm Emanuel: attack dog, policy wonk, committed Jew Jewish Telegraphic Agency
all 278 news articles

MormonTimes.com: BYU religious instructor balances humor, doctrine
Deseret News, UT - 22 hours ago
By Aaron Shill PROVO — John Hilton III is grateful for the editors at Deseret Book who help him affix clever wording to his published works. ...
humor - Google News

Freudian Slippage

Saturday morning. I went, in the early morning, to the... Read More

The Restaurant Chronicles, Part 1

Have you ever heard that saying, "The show must go... Read More

A Dogs Guide To... Getting Your Dog to Stop Barking

I like to bark. I mean, I like to bark... Read More

Starbucks Going into Hilton

Well, I hope you did not read that headline wrong,... Read More

Internet is My True Agent

You know the type -- that doodling type. Every time... Read More

When Humans and Dogs Collide: Negotiations for Todays Changing Times

This morning I decided to find myself. I originally looked... Read More

Dumb Luck

I've never really thought of myself as being funny. I... Read More

American Independence ? The True Story

It was late in 1775, and King George III was... Read More

Saving SpongeBob Using High Tech

Put Active RFID Satellite Tags in SpongeBobsSpongeBob has been in... Read More

Health Club Regulars ?- Some of the People Youre Likely To Meet at the Gym

One of the great benefits of belonging to a health... Read More

Very Precise Fortune Cookies

I cracked open the fortune cookie and read the little... Read More

The Army Corp of Engineers Having Issues Fixing Breach

The Army Corp of engineers is having a tough time... Read More

Not Your Average Sunday Morning

Just recently my ex-husband stopped in to visit during his... Read More

A Lawyers Favorite Lawyer Jokes

Lawyer JokesQ: How does a pregnant woman know she is... Read More

Computers According to Carol

A is for Anti-Virus: she got it from my Uncle.B... Read More

Finding Lost Children

A couple of days ago I had to go to... Read More

Bad Days and Bad Timing

Have you ever noticed how family members always misbehave at... Read More

[Not So] Outgoing Mail

I am currently perplexed by the concept of outgoing mail.... Read More

Slip-sliding On A Peel

Every day, or at least every other day, we make... Read More

How To Marry A Wealthy Guy

How To Marry A Wealthy Guy(or Girl... Or at least... Read More

And the World Goes Round

If you are a citizen of UK or Australia, you... Read More

Pee Here Now

Several years ago, I switched health insurance companies and my... Read More

I Got to Play an April Fools Joke Before I was Born

I will start this by saying that yes, I did... Read More

Norm Goldman Interviews Comedienne Fran Capo,the Guinness Book Worlds Record for the Fastest Talking

Today, Norm Goldman, Editor of Sketchandtravel & Bookpleasures is delighted... Read More

11 Alternative Garden Games

Tired of the same ol', same ol' when it come... Read More