Mexican Living: Somethings Got to be Done!

Mexico needs to do something about the behavior of Gringos who come to their country who are hell-bent on acting out the Ugly American Syndrome stereotype no matter what.

I concluded this after an early morning shopping trip with the wife to the local Supermarket. There I saw this 70-year-old hippie, with his gun moll, cussing up one aisle and down the other looking for liquor. Doesn't that just figure? He ended his search with a screeching revelation,

"They don't even have beer here for Christ's sake!"

Why do Americans always want to attribute something mundane and worldly to Christ and for His sake? I mean, really, is it for Christ's sake that this early morning lush was searching so diligently for some booze? Anyway.

So, off he marched after screaming loudly enough to wake the dead.

I have some ideas that Mexico could do to stem the ever-increasing tide of displays of the Ugly American Syndrome:

First off, Mexico could pass a stupid tax. Americans who insist on acting like horses' butts in Mexico would be charged $50,000 pesos for each incident. I think this is a grand idea for Americans acting stupid in America too! What do you think of that? This money could be used to improve the infrastructure of the Colonial towns (like where we live!). But, after the tenth commission of a stupid act (which will take about 2 days), Americans would be deported immediately and without recourse.

Second, Mexico could enact a drunken bum or boozehound tax. There would be an allowance of three times you could appear in public WITHOUT falling down before you they would start taxing you. This would be particularly profitable in Puerto Vallarta where American drink to excess day and night.

We were in a little place in Puerto Vallarta once for breakfast when this couple came in and had three rounds of beer before their scrambled eggs and hotcakes came. We were told (because we asked the manager) that this goes on all the time. Americans are constantly drunker than skunks and are falling down all the time.

We saw more 75-year-old plus men stumbling around town like drunken sailors trying to pick up young coeds. Mexico could make a killing in Puerto Vallarta and no doubt the other resort towns as well.

The highest tax would be for each incident of The Ugly American Syndrome. This means that, each time you do the following, the Mexican government will charge you a tax of $150,000 pesos:

1. Insisting on paying for something with dollars because you are too lazy (or stupid) to get them changed into pesos. This would really be a moneymaker for the Mexicans since Americans do this routinely.

2. Telling the waiter who brought you EXACTLY what you ordered that you wanted a REAL taco.

3. Shouting English at a Mexican vendor or salesclerk as though will miraculously change them into a bilingual person.

4. Cutting your finger and toenails while in public. (This not only will get you taxed but a good slapping as well.)

5. Loudness or obnoxious behavior that is so typical of Americans when they come to another country. For example, statements like,

"Gee are all Mexican women this fat?"

"It sure is filthy here."

"Don't they serve real beer?"

"These Mexican houses don't suit our American tastes."

"Don't you know how corrupt your government is?"

And so on!

There is more, much more, and the Mexican government would have to publish a handbook with hundreds of examples of the Ugly American Syndrome to be fair to the visiting or expatriating American. Perhaps they could use Rick Steves' Europe Archives: Ugly American Sightings as a template for their handbook for Ugly Americans!

Check it out at: http://www.ricksteves.com/graffiti/arch ives/ugly.html

Doug Bower is a freelance writer and book author. His most recent writing credits include The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, The Houston Chronicle, and The Philadelphia Inquirer, and Transitions Abroad. He lives with his wife in Guanajuato, Mexico. His new book, Mexican Living: Blogging it from a Third World Country, can be seen at http://www.lulu.com/content/126241

---

My Introduction To Northwest Coast Native American Art

I had lived in Vancouver very briefly as a child... Read More

Learn How To Draw Faces Realistically

Drawing a face isn't as hard as it looks. To... Read More

What About Those Pyramids?

'Mr. Rhodes aspired to be the creator of one of... Read More

Marilyn Monroe and Mary Jo Kopechne

I doubt Marilyn Monroe was anything but a confused star-struck... Read More

Debussy and Gamelan According to a 150 Year Old Man

Hello!If you haven't been transported by the mesmerizing sounds of... Read More

Ogham and Aymara

OGHAM:As any reader of my work knows by now, Ogham... Read More

Precious Stones - The Big Five: Part 2, The Ruby

What fairy tales of enchanted princesses and legendary lore of... Read More

Jewelry Making for Fun and Profit

There is an old adage that says work isn't really... Read More

Brazil--Comments by a Gilliam Fan a Little Too Late

Either I am one of the darkest people ever or... Read More

The Red Violin - Film Review

The film portrays the creation, fate, and redemption of a... Read More

Basic Chinese Pinyin Rules

* Make sure you set your browser encoding correctly to... Read More

I, Ego, and Power

I: - A vowel that didn't appear in sacerdotal alphabets... Read More

What Sets Chinese Painting Apart From Western Painting

Because of different instruments, materials and cultural background, Chinese paintings... Read More

Yes Tarot Readings Are For You!

Have you ever thought?What is the best way out of... Read More

Civil War Uniform Shirts ? When to Use a One and Two Piece Body!

So, you want to make your own Civil War shirt.... Read More

A Short Biography on Some of Europes Most Loved and Hated Monarchs - Pt2 (Mad) King George III

King George III who suffered from porphyria, a maddening disease,... Read More

Unguided Men

Humanity - the sole endeavor of sanctity in every man,... Read More

Zorro

ZORRO:Timon of Athens. But most often they wrote in code... Read More

Amaterasu The Goddess of the Sun

Amaterasu is a shining example of how adversity can help... Read More

Heraldry in the Crafts--Why Not Specialize?

I have a small website where I try to sell... Read More

What To Expect From A Feng Shui Consultation

If you are wishing to harmonize or balance your house... Read More

Human Cultural Evolution

If we think about it at this juncture, clearly there... Read More

Astrology : A Science or Superstition?

Human beings have always been curious to know their future.... Read More

The Monsters Mother

Somewhere in the world, every eight seconds, a mother is... Read More

Babel vs. the PC

Imagine a time when mankind was young. Migration led many... Read More