The Truth About Emotional Intelligence

There is so much emphasis on emotional intelligence these days that it appears that people are suppressing their emotions and problems in an effort to "fit in," to keep their jobs, and using "positive self-talk" to muscle through the rough spots in their lives.

Recently, I had a friend over who has suffered enormous job stress during a time when his wife's father was dying of cancer. Of course, quitting his job didn't seem like an option during this difficult period, particularly since his wife returned to her parental home for many months to say good-bye to her dying father. That left him at home to take care of their children, pay the bills, and so on. Who can forge positively into a new job-search with all that going on?

After his father-in-law passed away his wife returned home and he lost his job - as did many of his colleagues - and his wife decided she no longer wanted to remain married. What else could go wrong? OH! Of course! His father could be diagnosed with cancer: He was.

Now he is living a complete hell, with all of this turmoil, and two sweet children looking to him for stability. Is it any wonder that people are cracking under the strain?

He is all alone and he tries to be "emotionally together" but that only causes more harm than good. We (society), in our need for order and stability, don't want people with all these problems in our lives. We don't want them working in our office. They're broken!

Well, the truth is, our (society) expectations around emotional intelligence, and together, full-functioning adults, is what is breaking them.

I spent three hours with him the other night, acknowledging his horrific circumstances, his emotional turmoil, and gave him permission to embrace it all. He's not broken, he's experiencing emotional pain and it needs to be expressed, embraced, and worked through (processed.) It's not enough that he embrace it either. Community is required to surround, love, heal, and regenerate.

So, when we see hurting people, don't look at them as broken people who haven't got their act together. Look at them as someone who needs a bit of kindness, generosity, and loving support. Watch the power those simple things can have in their life.

Caveat: This does not condone people remaining disempowered victims for the rest of their lives. Our role is to embrace and still to empower, leaving the "wounded one" to take responsibility for their recovery. Embrace, love, and challenge.

Lee Down is a Professional Coach, Trainer/Facilitator, Speaker, & Writer of One Man Can Human Capital Development that focuses on relationships, the key foundation to success in business and life. With more than 15 years professional experience and a thirst for truth and understanding, he focuses on the human spirit and human capacity.

Working with clients, he facilitates the breaking down of beliefs, barriers or obstacles that bring clients forward on their journey of discovery with spirit, energy, abundance, passion and purpose, integrating the mind and body experience. Working with business, he brings visionary leadership and relationship skills to the forefront that witnesses an empowered culture evolve and develop directly impacting the improvement to the bottom-line.

---

Suicide in the Church, Part 3

Suicide strikes...AGAIN!This may wind up being the most important article... Read More

GoodBye GrandMa

My dearest Grandma, I will never forget you & sorry... Read More

One Stray Tear

The delight lit my face as the couple turned the... Read More

Grief

If you have ever lost someone dear to you it... Read More

Whats It All About?

For most people life is a fairly ordinary existence -... Read More

When The Spirit Leaves The Body

Do you spend most of your time inside or outside... Read More

In the Blink of an Eye

Today's Quote: "My house is burned down, but I can... Read More

Guilty, Your Honor: The Burden of Guilt After a Suicide

Guilty, Your Honor, I whisper.Have you ever done anything so... Read More

Suicide in the Church Part 2

In a town the size of mine - about 16,000... Read More

Graceful Grief: Angelic Help is on the Way!

I believe that major change and loss in our lives... Read More

Sympathy Flowers

Sending a floral tribute is a very appropriate way of... Read More

Angel of Comfort... The Story

I am an Angel artist and several weeks ago while... Read More

Am I a Mother - Tips for Handling Mother?s Day After Miscarriage

Are you spending this Mother's Day wondering if you are,... Read More

Grief Support: The Don?ts

1) Don't try to make the grieving person feel better.... Read More

Angelo Dies

Angelo C, was a good man that never did any... Read More

How Can I Transform Tragedy?

There is only one place where tragedy occurs, and that... Read More

Handicapped From Suicide

I am 23 years old. I come from a large... Read More

How to Deal with Suffering

Reflect upon the following questions, and answer those you feel... Read More

The Look of Grief

Never, since man has walked upright, have people all over... Read More

How to Turn Grief into Joy

I was with my daddy when he died. Excuse me,... Read More

And You Always Will

I opened the dishtowel drawer for about the sixth time,... Read More

Pope John Paul II

WHAT I LEARNED FROM POPE JOHN PAUL II ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I am... Read More

Silent Tears - from a Norwegian Hospital

Silent tears hit hospital-white sheets. The young Pakistani mother holds... Read More

Men and Grief

Men grieve differently from women. Our cultural roles make it... Read More

Coping With A Funeral

When the death of a loved one occurs, regardless or... Read More